I remember when you were a blueberry. Well, that is what the pregnancy app told me weight equated to. At 8 weeks, I went shakily into the ultrasound room expecting the worst, expecting to be told that we had lost you. Instead, I came out blissfully clutching a piece of flimsy paper that had a picture of you, my blueberry. It felt unreal.
We had approached the 8-week mark with much trepidation. Each time I bled, we went back into the hospital, fearing the worst. You held on. You grew and kicked, gave me butterflies and made me sick ALL OF THE TIME.
We watched you go from blueberry to plum, I celebrated when you reached the size of a pear and I felt so proud with every week that passed. I must admit, I was not gracious about being pregnant. I felt tired, I was anxious, I was sick and I was impatient.
You arrived whimpering and lay so softly on my chest for the first time. I felt an immediate sense of calm. I carried this with me for months. All was right with the world. I will always remember that first winter with you, cocooned inside, spending hours just gazing at you. For once slowing down and absorbing what the moment brings.
At one you are so strong, so determined and adventurous. I love your sense of humour. You have a real sense of timing; settling down for a nice feed, appearing to doze and then all of a sudden launching yourself at me to give me a slobbery open-mouth kiss on my cheek. Or the way in which you offer us food and then snatch it away laughing just before our mouths close around it. We laugh often, and no matter how tired I am, you always know how to get a smile out of me.
You are all rough and tumble, but I love that you know to be gentle around your newborn cousin. That with all the presents given to you on your birthday, all you wanted to do was watch the new baby and every now and then gently and tentatively stroke his head.
You have started to point. I love that I now know what you find exciting. You point determinedly at the door, desperate to explore the outdoors. You point with urgency at your water bottle and you make sure I know that the cat is asking to come indoors. Your enthusiastic dancing when music comes on, which always makes me stop what I’m doing and smile.
Don’t grow up too quickly, we are enjoying watching you do it too much.